"In The News" Thursday

Trust me, they're good

You never know about them Texans...

Caller IQ? Could come in handy!

Today's Darwin Award Goes To...

Some men will got to extraordinary lengths to prove how macho they are. Frenchman Pierre Pumpille recently shunted a stationary car two feet by headbutting it. "Women thought I was a god," he explained from his hospital bed.

Deity or not, however, Pumpille is a veritable girl's blouse compared to Polish farmer Krystof Azninski, who staked a strong claim to being Europe's most macho man by cutting off his own head in 1995.

Azninski, 30, had been drinking with friends when it was suggested they strip naked and play some "men's games". Initially they hit each other over the head with frozen turnips, but then one man upped the ante by seizing a chainsaw and cutting off the end of his foot. Not to be outdone, Azninski grabbed the saw and, shouting "Watch this then," he swung at his own head and chopped it off.

"It's funny," said one companion, "when he was young he put on his sister's underwear. But he died like a man."

Stupid Criminal Of The Day

If you’re caught stealing stuff from Wal-Mart, you’ve probably reached the lowest point in life that a human being can reach.

Tne person not only got caught stealing from the store chain, but trying to sell them back at the same place that he stole them, according to the Billings Gazette.

He was caught after posting ads for the stolen items on a message board on the store’s website. That’s dumb. He should know the people who work at Wal-Mart can’t afford the things the store sells.

Store managers reviewed the security tapes and caught the man stealing on several recordings. The only way this could have been dumber is if a camera caught him stealing a security camera.

(article from www.dumbcriminals.com)

Mom-to-be hit by car while fleeing bear is OK

DENVER – A pregnant woman who was fleeing a bear when she was struck by a slow-moving car said she would honor the euthanized animal by giving her baby the middle name "Bear."
Ashley Swendsen, 26, said she thought the bear followed her more out of curiosity than malice because it kept a distance of about 10 feet Thursday morning on a hiking trail in northwestern Colorado Springs.

As she ran, she thought, "If it was going to hurt me, it already would have."

Swendsen managed to scramble up an embankment and was crossing the street when she was hit by a slow-moving car. Although she was not seriously injured, she was taken to a hospital as a precaution because she was pregnant.

Police said they're looking for the driver of the car that hit Swendsen. The driver stopped and spoke to her but left before police arrived.

Swendsen said she first spotted the bear as it was coming out of a creek.

"I didn't know what to do, so I just kept walking," she said. "I wasn't going to start sprinting."
But she started running when the bear moved toward her.

The Colorado Division of Wildlife said the chase happened in an area where bears are common. Division spokesman Michael Seraphin said the brown-colored North American black bear was tranquilized and later euthanized after Swendsen identified it.

Swendsen said she was sad to hear about the bear's death.

"Yeah, because the bear spared me, and then it had to die," she said.

Swendsen, who is about five months pregnant, said she doesn't know the sex of her baby but will give it the middle name "Bear" whether it's a boy or a girl.

Stupid Pictures Friday

"In The News" Thursday

What a deal!

This women should not be allowed to operate a moving vehicle.

Well said.

Today's Darwin Award Goes To...

(24 November 2001, Hungary) Two farmers were killed and a third was hospitalized with serious injuries after the men attempted to kill a pig with a homemade stun gun during a traditional Hungarian pre-Christmas slaughter.

One farmer electrocuted himself with the jury-rigged device during an unsuccessful attempt to knock out the pig. The elderly owner of the pig was so alarmed at the tragedy unfolding before his eyes that he suffered a heart attack and died.

The third farmer tried to come to the rescue of the first farmer by pulling the plug out of the socket. He was shocked, but survived.

The pig came to no harm that day.

(article from www.darwinawards.com)

The Stupid Criminal Of The Day Is....

Don’t go drunk because you’ll end up in prison. Sometimes you aren’t even the one who is being arrested. You just end up in prison because you’re so drunk that you mistook it for a really cheap hotel.

Like this one guy who went to prison drunk and got arrested for being drunk, according to the AP. Jail officials alerted police of the man’s condition and police spotted the man driving away from the jail. Police were nice enough to give him a ride back.

This was also the man’s third DWI charge in the last 10 years. Well, at least he’ll have friends in the joint.

(article found at http://www.dumbcriminals.com/)

A Tribute To Stupid Tattoos

Today we pay tribute to those tattoos that no one else would dream of getting, or those that had potential until someone forgot to do a mental spell-check.

Friday in Pictures

No ocifer, whe hvn't been drinkng...
WEE!!!!

Dammit, now Batman has to find a new hideout...way to go, DOT.

"In The News" Thursday

I so totally know him...or her

Gotcha!

And most of those doctors just charged you $250 to let you know that.

Today's Darwin Award Goes To...

(17 November 2006, Singapore) Picture a college dorm room. Dirty laundry, sexy posters, food wrappers, textbooks, and in the middle of it all, a 16-year-old male rocking out to loud music. A typical student, a typical day.

But this particular student, rocking out on his air guitar, was about to "take things too far," according to the coroner's report. Li Xiao, a student at the Hua Business School, bounced up and down on his bed with such enthusiasm that he rocked himself right out of the third-floor window.
Normally the windows are locked, but students reportedly force the locks so they can sneak a cigarette. Perhaps alluding to Ted Nugent's rock song, the court ruled it a case of "Death By Misadventure."

(article from www.darwinawards.com)

Spray & Pay - Stupid Criminal of the Day

All these kids today with their high definition television and their high tech video games and their shoes with the roller skates that pop out and their lightsabers and their tagging. Too bad technology hasn’t found a way to increase their capacity for common sense. Get off my lawn!

A tagger was caught spraying painting a cop car, according to the Salt Lake Tribune. The kid hit up three cars with spray paint WHILE THEY WERE PARKED IN A POLICE DEPARTMENT PARKING LOT. I would pay a year’s salary to see this kid’s standardized test scores.

Police took the kid into custody, which was easy to do since the station was right next to the scene of the #*$&ing crime.

If children like these our future, then I’m going back to working on my time machine.

(article from dumbcriminals.com)

Burgler Drills Hole In Roof Of Pharmacy

SHEFFIELD LAKE, Ohio – Police in northeast Ohio said a man who cut a hole in a ceiling and lowered himself into a pharmacy with a television cable foiled his plan to steal drugs when he unknowingly set off a motion detector.

Sheffield Lake police Capt. Tony Campo said a 32-year-old man came prepared for the early Tuesday morning burglary with an extension ladder and a backpack filled with about 25 tools.
Campo said the man spent a considerable amount of time drilling a hole in the roof large enough for him to slip through. Police arrived minutes after he tripped the silent alarm at about 4:30 a.m.

Campo said man was surprised and arrested inside the Rite-Aid about 20 miles west of Cleveland and charged with felony breaking and entering.

Friday's Stupid Pictures

"In The News" Thursday

Those Arbonne people are CRAZY!

Somehow, I always knew something was strange about him...

That's good, right?

Um, DUH!

CHILTON, Wis. (AP) - A man faces an arson charge after telling authorities he wasn't thinking when he decided to use gasoline for cleaning up his apartment, and then tossed a lit cigarette into a pile of gas-soaked cushions and clothes.
OAS_AD('ArticleFlex_1');

A criminal complaint filed Monday quoted a 47-year-old man as saying he knew gasoline is flammable and never should have used it. The complaint said that when the fire began Friday, he didn't pull the fire alarm but instead shouted "fire" a couple times and walked to the Menasha police department for an ambulance to take him to the hospital where he was treated for burns.
Firefighters said the blaze extensively damaged the apartment and caused heavy smoke damage throughout the building, putting tenants of 11 other units out of their homes.
(Copyright Associated Press All Rights Reserved)

Today's Darwin Award Goes To...

The secret of the Lava Lamp is simple: A light bulb heats a bottle of colored wax and liquid. The wax is denser than the liquid at room temperature, and sits at the bottom. As the wax warms, it expands and rises in an undulating blob. At the top, where the bottle is cooler, the wax becomes cooler and denser and begins to sink.

(30 November 2004, Washington) Twenty-four year old Philip was found dead in the bedroom of his trailer home, with burnt remains of a Lava Lamp strewn over his kitchen. Puzzled investigators eventually pieced together a likely scenario for Philip's last moments.

Lava lamps are a mesmerizing distraction. Philip couldn't wait to fire up his new Lava Lamp. He plugged it in and waited for the pretty globs to begin their surreal dance. But after several frustrating minutes, nothing happened. Then a bright idea hit him: "Why not accelerate this painfully slow process?" He took the lamp to the kitchen, placed it on the stove, and turned up the heat.

In short order, the wax melted and began its sinuous dance. But the liquid was designed to be warmed by a 40-watt bulb. It was over-heated. Entranced by the display, Philip forgot that "heat expands". Whereas there was no room for expansion in the glass bottle, the Lava Lamp resorted to a violent explosion to relieve the pressure.*

One thick shard of glass blew straight through Philips's chest and into his heart. Philip stumbled into his bedroom, perhaps uttering "Aeternum vale!" (latin: farewell forever) as he collapsed and died.

Police found no evidence of alcohol or drug use, so it is safely presumed that Philip was in full possession of his senses when he went out with a bang.

* Why the instructions warn NEVER to place the lamp directly on a heat source, such as a stove.

(article from darwinawards.com)

Rules For Bank Robbers

"GUILTY, BUT MOSTLY STUPID"

Rules for Bank Robbers: According to the FBI, most modern-day bank robberies are "unsophisticated and unprofessional crimes," committed by young male repeat offenders who apparently don't know the first thing about their business. For instance it is reported that in spite of the widespread use of surveillance cameras, 76 percent of bank robbers use no disguise, 86 percent never study the bank before robbing it, and 95 percent make no long-range plans for concealing the loot. Thus, this advice is offered to would-be bank robbers, along with examples of what can happen if the rules aren't followed:

1. Pick the right bank. Clark advises that you don't follow the lead of the fellow in Anaheim, Cal., who tried to hold up a bank that was no longer in business and had no money. On the other hand, you don't want to be too familiar with the bank. A California robber ran into his mother while making his getaway. She turned him in.

2. Don't sign your demand note. Demand notes have been written on the back of a subpoena issued in the name of a bank robber in Pittsburgh, on an envelope bearing the name and address of another in Detroit, and in East Hartford, Conn., on the back of a withdrawal slip giving the robber's signature and account number.

3. Avoid being fussy. A robber in Panorama City, Cal., gave a teller a note saying, "I have a gun. Give me all your twenties in this envelope." The teller said, "All I've got is two twenties." The robber took them and left.

4. Don't advertise. A holdup man thought that if he smeared mercury ointment on his face, it would make him invisible to the cameras. Actually, it accentuated his features, giving authorities a much clearer picture. Bank robbers in Minnesota and California tried to create a diversion by throwing stolen money out of the windows of their cars. They succeeded only in drawing attention to themselves.

5. Take right turns only. Avoid the sad fate of the thieves in Florida who took a wrong turn and ended up on the Homestead Air Force Base. They drove up to a military police guardhouse and, thinking it was a tollbooth, offered the security men money.

6. Provide your own transportation. It is not clever to borrow the teller's car, which she carefully described to police. This resulted in the most quickly-solved bank robbery in the history of Pittsfield, Mass.

7. Consider another line of work. There was the case of the hopeful criminal in Swansea, Mass., who, when the teller told him she had no money, fainted. He was still unconscious when the police arrived.

Courtesy of The Freeman Institute

Bong Fire

COLUMBIA, Mo. — Fire investigators are blaming an unattended bong for a fire at the Sigma Chi fraternity at the University of Missouri-Columbia.

No one was hurt. But Sunday night’s fire occurred on the same floor where a student died in a 1999 blaze.

Fire officials said the blaze could have been worse. A student used a fire extinguisher to knock back the flames in the third-floor bedroom before firefighters arrived and finished extinguishing some still-smoldering debris.

Damage from the fire is estimated to total around $5,000.

Battalion Fire Chief Steve Sapp says police confiscated the bong and took samples to determine whether it was used for drugs.

(Are there any bongs on a college campus NOT used for drugs??)

Fraternity president Daniel Patterson says a small piece of charcoal left on a windowsill, not a bong, started the fire.

He says the fraternity has a no smoking and drug policy in effect.

Stupid Pictures

It's helpful to pass 2nd grade spelling and grammer before painting words on the street.

That's what you get when you hire people on acid to design & build your house.

"In The News" Thursday

Short But Ever So Sweet

Romeo Montillano, 40, who was being sought in the December robbery of a Kmart in Chula Vista, Calif., pleasantly surprised the cops when they learned that a "Romeo Montillano" had registered for the upcoming police officers' exam on Feb. 25. Indeed, he showed up, and he was arrested. [Seattle Post-Intelligencer-AP, 3-1-09]

Today's Darwin Award Goes To...

(29 January 2003, Brazil) At work, Manoel was responsible for cleaning out the storage tanks of gasoline tanker trucks. He had been employed in that capacity for two months when he ran afoul of fuel.

The 35-year-old began to fill a tanker with water, a standard safety procedure that forces flammable vapor out of the container. He returned an hour later to check whether the water level was high enough to proceed. But he had trouble deciding, because it was so DARK inside the tanker.

A resourceful employee, Manoel forgot the very reason why he was filling the tank with water when he lit a cigarette lighter to shed some light on the situation. His little test successfully determined that the water level was NOT yet high enough for safety. The vapor explosion launched him through the air, and he landed in the company parking lot 100 meters away.
Manoel suffered severe burns, blunt force trauma, and an injury to the head that exposed his brain. Our witless car washer had learned his terminal lesson in safety by the time the firemen arrived.

(article from www.darwinawards.com)