Stupid Pictures

That's definately a red card...

"In The News" Thursday

Today's Darwin Award Goes To...

Women Darwin-ists are like women murderers: fewer and more fastidious, they prefer more wholesome methods for their special acts.

After an extended night shift, our heroine, a working mother, was bagged but decided to stay up a few extra hours until the kids came home from school. Being a thoughtful mom and a junk food junkie, the tired woman groggily decided that this was the time to bake a cake.

The ancient electric mixer had a detachable cord that plugs into the back, like your computer, only most computers have the sense to avoid the kitchen. Did I mention that these old electrical cords are ungrounded? Things were going well - butter, sugar, flour, cocoa - until the loose cord popped out of the old mixer and landed in the dough. Plop.

Ever the safety-conscious professional, she carefully turned off and set aside the completely inert mixer, and lifted the cord out of the batter. But what did she do with the dripping cake batter? She did what anyone does - she stuck the live electrical cord in her mouth and found herself on the floor, suddenly very wide awake.

No, I don't know what happened to the cake.

(article from http://www.darwinawards.com/)

Stupid Criminal Of The Day

You would think the police officer exams that are administered by departments would come with a common sense exam, but who the hell are we going to get to write it up? Heh, that was almost poetry.

Three cops were caught smoking pot in a police van, according to KGMB9.com.The plot, along with the suspects’ heads, thicken. They were smoking pot in the parking lot of a softball field where cops were holding a softball tournament. That’s funny because using pot in a softball game is actually a performance enhancing substance.

The stoned cops tried to make a break for the exit but the other cops caught up to them. Then the umpire called them out.

(article from www.dumbcriminals.com)

"In The News" Thursday

Hmmm...I know I recognize it, but what's it called...?!

Well, here's how NOT to play it

I've heard they taste of chicken

Today's Darwin Award Goes To...

Darwin and Newton share a laugh...

Chihuahua, Mexico is home to two hot caverns containing the largest natural crystals known to man. "Walking into either of these caves is like stepping into a (sweltering) gigantic geode," described one awed observer. Some of the clear selenite crystals are over 20 feet long.

The newly-discovered caverns, 1200 feet below the surface of the earth, carry a curse for those who seek to plunder their riches. A man recently tried to steal one of the magnificent crystals from the roof, and might have succeeded... if he hadn't stood directly beneath it while chopping it free. He was pinned beneath the sparkling stalactite as it heeded the call of gravity, and roasted in the 108 F cave.

(article from www.darwinawards.com)

Stupid Criminal of the Day

It seems that the New Zealand media has labeled this dumb criminal as the world’s dumbest of 2009…and they might just be on to something.

The Press reports that a man caught stealing money from a cash register was caught on four different security cameras and he left his personal information with the clerk.Awww man, if he also had a bird stuff in his pants, I wouldn’t have gotten five-in-a-row on my “Dumb Criminal Bingo” card.

He walked to the front register to purchase something, you know so people wouldn’t think he’s a criminal.

When the clerk looks away, he reaches into the register and steals a wad of cash as four security cameras are watching his every move including one left in plain sight. Too bad he wasn’t trying to rob a Lenscrafts or he might have gotten away with it.

But before all of this, he actually left his name and phone number with the clerk before he takes the money from the till. I’ve got five-to-one odds the name is misspelled.

(article from www.dumbcriminals.com)

"In The News" Thursday

Either he forgot where his heart was or he's really hungry

Way to be environmentally conscious

You know the housing market's bad when...

Today's Darwin Award Goes To...

(29 January 1998, Ohio) Hungry or just plain stupid? Wednesday was a fateful day for Michael. He was shooting the breeze with a group of buddies, watching a friend clean his fish tank, when the friend complained that one specimen in particular had become a fishy menace. It had outgrown the tank, and was eating other denizens of the aquatic community.

Michael volunteered to assist. He seized the five-inch fish and attempted to swallow it. Unfortunately, the fish continued its predatory ways by sticking in his craw. As he gasped futilely for breath, turned blue, and sank to his knees, his three friends realized that something was amiss. They phoned 911 and informed the dispatcher that Michael had eaten some fish, and was having trouble breathing.

Paramedics were quickly dispatched, and they arrived to find the fish tail still protruding from the victim's mouth. Despite their best efforts neither the fish nor the twenty-three-year-old could be resuscitated. The killer fish had claimed one last victim.

"If I dare you to jump off a bridge and you do it, you're stupid," Police Major Mike Matulavich said. Apparently Michael was not a victim, he was just another Darwin Awards contender.

(article from www.darwinawards.com)

Stupid Criminal of the Day

It’s a good thing this guy doesn’t fall under a “Three Strikes” law or he’d only have one left…or maybe its two? Double jeopardy and all.

A man who served time for robbing bank was busted for robbing the same bank, according to the AP. That’s right, he hit the same bank just 10 months after getting out of prison for robbery.

Looks like that state funded rehabilitation program has paid for itself. He also hit a supermarket. Did I mention he robbed the sank bank twice?

(article from www.dumbcriminals.com)

Stupid Pictures

That'll make for a tough line up

I think it might be a bit late for CPR...

"In The News" Thursday

Today's Darwin Award Goes To...

(4 April 2007, Germany) Near midnight, a 49-year-old man attempted to impress his wife with his unbelievable strength. He climbed over the balcony of their 7th floor flat, clung to the outside of the parapet, and began a set of pull-ups. After a few pull-ups, which were undoubtedly impressive to his wife, his sedentary lifestyle began to take its toll. His muscles lost strength, and he was unable to lift himself back onto the balcony. He eventually fell seven stories (eight if you include the ground floor) and impaled himself on a thornbush. Ouch! The official verdict placed the blame squarely and pointedly on the macho showmanship of the deceased.

The pushmi-pullyu is a fictional Doctor Doolittle animal with two heads at opposite ends of its body. When it tries to move, both heads try to pull in opposite directions."

(9 October 2007, Ohio) The German man is not alone in his efforts to impress a woman. An 18-year-old was lured by the siren song of the guard rail onto his girlfriend's 11th floor balcony. Attempting to impress the lady, he too began a set of pull-ups, only to lose his grip and plummet eleven stories (ten if you omit the ground floor) to land face-down on the parking lot. The Ohio coroner was more charitable than his German counterpart. This death was ruled accidental.

(article from www.darwinawards.com)

Stupid Criminal of the Day

Working at a restaurant must be hard. There are so many nuisances you have to deal with everyday: the unruly customers, the physical demands, the armed and dangerous floor manager.
The manager of an IHOP reportedly used the threat of gunfire to motivate his staff, according to the Asbury Park Press. Police said the manager ordered some employees to return to their jobs or he would shoot them. That’s synergy.

When one of the employees snapped back at him, he went to his car, retrieved his handgun and pointed it at the employee. I’ve never worked for IHOP but I’m pretty sure that wasn’t in the employee handbook.

(article from www.dumbcriminals.com)