"In The News" Thursday

Stupid Criminal Of The Day

Why would anyone eat fast food? Better yet, why would anyone want it faster? If it tastes that bad fast, imagine what it’s like when you’re doing a rush job of it.

One cop in Denver didn’t care how long it took evidenced by the gun he pulled on a clerk because they weren’t filling his order fast enough, according to the Denver Post.He was waiting in the drive-thru when he order took too long, so he thought he would speed things up by pulling a weapon on the clerk. It gets even more embarrassing. He was still at the speaker.

He was charged with prohibited use of a weapon, reckless endangerment and disorderly conduct. It is not known if he ever got his Monster Thickburger.

"In The News" Thursday

...and see the Great Wisconsin Elephant?

I think I could handle that!

Well, they'd be right

Today's Darwin Award Goes To...

3 June 2006, Florida) Two more candidates have thrown themselves into the running for a Darwin Award. The feet of Jason and Sara, both 21, were found protruding from a huge, deflated helium advertising balloon. Jason was a college student, and Sara attended community college, but apparently their education had glossed over the importance of breathing oxygen.

A family member said, "Sara was mischievous, to be honest." The pair pulled down the 8' balloon, and climbed inside for a breath of helium goodness. Their last words consisted of high-pitched, incoherent giggling as they slowly passed out, and passed into the hereafter.
Sheriff's deputies said the two were not victims of foul play. They climbed into the balloon of their own volition, and no drugs or alcohol were involved.

**When one breathes pure helium the lack of oxygen in the bloodstream causes a rapid loss of consciousness. Some euthanasia experts advocate the use of helium to painlessly end one's life. At least Sara and Jason went peacefully.

Stupid Criminal of the Day

I’ve never understood the concept of hitchhiking as something other than a last resort. I don’t like it when people I know ride in my car. Why would I want a stranger who smells like he hasn’t bathed since the last Great Depression?

One bank robber got a ride from the scene of his crime by a police detective, according to the AP.He robbed the bank, then flagged down a ride from an undercover cop and asked him to take him home. I hope the officer was nice enough to drive him home.

Here’s an important question: why did he need a ride? Why didn’t he have a getaway vehicle? He must drive a Pontiac. Walking across a busy highway is a more dependable form of transportation.

(article from www.dumbcriminals.com)

Makes Sense To Me...

ELKHART, Ind. -- A 51-year-old man told a police officer he was naked in a northern Indiana cemetery because he had taken off his wet clothes after checking on his in-laws' grave and then wanted a closer look at some flowers. The officer was off duty and jogging through Rice Cemetery in Elkhart Sunday afternoon when he saw the naked man get into a truck and drive away. The officer later tracked down the Mishawaka man from his license plate number.

The man said he had been golfing all day and that he undressed in his truck because his underwear was wet. He said he left his truck naked to look at the flowers because he did not have his glasses.

He was arrested on a preliminary misdemeanor charge of public indecency.

"In The News" Thursday

That new hip will make it much easier to crawl out of the dog house each morning, too

"This is an artist's conception of the Mount Pleasant High School football field Friday after an electrical transformer blew..."


You know, just hypothetically speaking...

Today's Darwin Award Goes To...

(30 January 2002, Brazil) Airport taxi drivers frequently hear the announcement, "The white zone is for loading and unloading of passengers only." But Santos Dumont airport in Rio de Janeiro may need to add a new phrase: "The runway is for take-off and landing of airplanes only."

"The signs that tell you to stop when the plane is on the runway are practically invisible," said the director of the local taxi cooperative. Apparently a Boeing 737 preparing for takeoff was equally invisible to one 64-year-old taxi driver, who sped onto the runway after dropping off his fare. He was right behind the jet when it revved its engines in preparation for a 140-mph takeoff.
Local aviation experts say the force of the 737's jets is comparable to a hurricane, but, we assume, much hotter. The taxi was spun 25 meters through the air, hit the rocks at Guanabara Bay, and ejected its driver. The man's tip for the trip was a broken skull and thorax. He is presently in a coma.

Airport authorities cited driver error as the cause of the accident.

(Article from www.darwinawards.com)

Fire and crime go together like Legos and Oreos. If a suspect uses it, it’s bound to attract attention.

That’s a lesson that one crook learned when he set fire to his car before committing a hold up in an attempt to destroy any forensic evidence that might led police to him, according to the London Telegraph.The fire initially attracted attention to the scene and police caught the man with a stolen cash box just a few blocks from the scene. He reportedly also planned to set the cash on fire to remove any more forensic evidence.

Fire officials extinguished the car and took it away to examine it for (wait for it) forensic evidence. Good thing the hold-up man thought ahead.

(Article from www.dumbcriminals.com)

"In The News" Thursday

That's great entertainment...for a bum

Hmmm, what an innovative idea!! But what would you call it??

Great, now that song is in my head...

Today's Darwin Award Goes To...

3 January 2005, St. Maurice, Switzerland) It was the first week of a weapons refresher course, and Swiss Army Grenadier Detachment 20/5 had just finished training with live ammunition. The shooting instructor ordered the soldiers to secure their weapons for a break.

The 24-year-old second lieutenant, in charge of this detachment, decided this would be a good time to demonstrate a knife attack on a soldier. Wielding his bayonet, he leaped toward one of his men, achieving complete surprise.

But earlier that week, the soldiers had been drilled to release the safety catch and ready their guns for firing in the shortest possible time. The surprised soldier, seeing his lieutenant leaping toward him with a knife, snapped off a shot to protect himself from the attack.

The lesson could not have been more successful: the soldier had saved himself and protected the rest of the detachment from a surprise attack. The lieutenant might have wished to commend his soldier on his quick action and accurate marksmanship. Unfortunately, he had been killed with one shot.

And this, kiddies, is why we don't play with knives or guns. Ever. Even if we are trained professionals, and especially if our target is a trained professional.

(Article from www.darwinawards.com)

Stupid Criminal of the Day

to the increasing accessibility and widespread use of computer, identity and intelligence theft have become more rampant and more common. It’s too bad this guy didn’t try to steal some intelligence for himself.

Someone who was already in jail on an unrelated charge got an extra charge of theft for trying to steal one of the jail’s computers, according to the AP.The suspect was already serving a sentence for a charge of larceny when he tried to steal the computer. Apparently he wanted to research his record to see if he could get his parole board to let him off for time on good behavior.

The judge who re-sentenced the suspect called it one of the dumbest crimes he’s ever handled in his entire career. The suspect agreed and calling himself “not the best criminal.” It’s too bad he didn’t plead “stupidity” because the judge might have actually considered it as a viable plea.

(article from www.dumbcriminals.com)

Stupid Picture Friday

"In The News" Thursday

WHAT?! Caskets? In a mausoleum? NO WAY!!

"We had no idea anyone was buried there"

Huh?

So, really, it's a "B" with the option of "LT".

Today's Darwin Award Goes To...

(November 2007, Russia) Late one night, Eduard entered the apartment of a 30-year-old handicapped man, who slept peacefully as Eduard quietly cleaned out the valuables. Eduard was preparing to leave when suddenly the man woke up.

"I couldn't believe my eyes! The dark shape of some goon was standing next to my nightstand!" recalls the burglary victim. "I cried out and he attacked me, who was defenseless, with his fists! I had no choice. I hit him between the legs with my crutch, and he leapt out the window. Thank God I live on the first floor, and he did not die from the fall.

"I didn't understand at first what had fallen out of his pants. When I looked closer, I realized that it was a testicle, a man's testicle! I put it in cold water, and rushed to the phone." The handicapped man dialed the emergency services several times, but "the doctors hung up on me when I told them I had ripped a burglar's balls off!"

Half an hour later, the blood-covered thief was found by a passerby, who called the police. "An unconscious man was lying on the sidewalk," said the police investigator. "When the medics revived him, he started screaming hysterically, 'Give me back my balls!'"

Eduard's genitals were so traumatized that doctors had to amputate the entire scrotum to prevent gangrene. In the hospital, the burglar filed a complaint against his victim. He said, "I will never forgive him!"

(article from www.darwinawards.com)