Stupid Criminal Of The Day

LOUISVILLE, Ky. -- A man on home incarceration was arrested Friday after officers found materials that the suspect said belonged to Jesus, WLKY-TV reported.

According to arrest reports, police officers performed a home check on Craig A. Dunn, 52. At the home, the officers reported finding a tube of aluminum foil burnt on one end and a teaspoon with possible residue and burn marks on its underside.

According to arrest records, Dunn denied that the items were his and told officers that they may belong to Jesus, who was setting him up.

Dunn, who is under home incarceration for a parole violation, faces a charge of possession of drug paraphernalia

Today's Darwin Award Goes To...

(9 December 2007, Indiana) Russell, 19, had a grudge against a semi truck abandoned on a rural property. And Russell was not the silent, brooding type. He was a man of action. He built a gunpowder and propane tank bomb, attached a timer, planted it in the moldering truck, and retreated to a distant vantage point to wait for the fireworks.

And waited.

And waited, until he could wait no more. No boom? This was not right. Why was nothing happening? Russell approached the stubborn truck--just in time for an up-close-and-personal look at a cloud of rapidly expanding incandescent gas.

Detectives found bomb-making materials at Russell's mobile home, and believe he was also responsible for two explosions the night before his death, one at the mobile home park and another at a hobby shop. Although Russell will be missed, we are all a bit safer now.

Stupid Criminal of the Day

Going to the grocery ain’t exactly a bowl of fabric softener either.

Just take this woman who committed credit card fraud and got snagged because she used her grocery discount card at the same time, according to the News & Advance. That’s pretty damn cheap, using a stolen card to buy groceries and then demanding a discount. I’ll bet she’s the kind of person who using his own telephone and instinctively reaches for the coin slot.

The police detective said she probably just “absentmindedly” used her own card. That implies that she had a mind in the first place.

"In The News" Thursday

Today's Darwin Award Goes To...

(18 December 2005, South Africa) Two muggers were working a crowd. The had just taken a cellphone and purse from a couple at knifepoint, when the woman screamed. The muggers sprinted away. But working a crowd and working out are entirely different things, and one of the muggers was out of shape.

As he watched his compatriot recede into the distance, he felt the stitch in his side, and knew he could run no farther. Perhaps he was thinking he should have spent some of his ill-gotten gains on a trip to the gym. But then he spotted a high fence, and that, at least, he could manage.

He put on a burst of speed, and leapt the fence. Sure enough, no one followed. Escape! But he had failed to take into consideration a very important fact. He was at the Bloemfontein Zoo. Just as he was congratulating himself on his foolproof escape, he realized that the other side of the fence was a 10 meter drop into a cage of bored Bengal tigers!

Speaking of foolproof, the tigers wasted no time in treating the nearest fool as their own little kitty toy. The mauled body of the mugger was not noticed until noon. A zoo spokesperson said that the tigers had been fed the previous afternoon, else they would have left no evidence behind.

Police said a post mortem would be carried out to determine the exact cause of his death--as if that wasn't obvious.

Article from www.darwinawards.com

Stupid Criminal Of The Day

Need to find a dumbass criminal who stole your iPhone? There’s an app for that.

Cops tracked the suspects of a stolen iPhone through a GPS app on the stolen phone, according to WTAE in Pittsburgh.The phone owner was held up at gunpoint when his friend reminded him of the phone’s GPS app. That’s what friends are for, that and for picking up bar tabs in your fake name.

Police tracked the robbers to the phone’s location and arrested them. AT&T then hit the iPhone’s owner with $22,000 in roaming charges.

(Article from www.dumbcriminals.com)

"In The News" Thursday

Today's Darwin Award Goes To...

(August 2006, Libreville, Gabon) During an impassioned sermon, a congregation was surprised to hear their 35-year old pastor insist that one could literally walk on water, if one had enough faith. His words were big and bold. He extolled the heavenly power possessed by a faithful man with such force that he may well have convinced himself.

Whether or not he believed in his heart, his speech only left room for shame should he leave his own faith untested. Thus, the fiery pastor set out to walk across a major estuary, along the path of a 20-minute ferry ride. Even though he could not swim.

Lacking the miraculous powers of David Copperfield, let alone Jesus Christ, this ill-fated cleric found only a damp Darwin Award at the end of his chosen path.

(Article from www.darwinawards.com)

Stupid Criminal of the Day

For some weird reason, moving cars, bare buttocks and the police just don’t get along. Sad, isn’t it?

Police arrested a man suspected of drunk driving after he mooned another passing motorist, according to the Patriot Ledger.Another driver saw the vehicle swerving in the roadway and decided to call police. Her suspicions were confirmed when the driver stopped his car at a stop light, got out and dropped anchor.

Police caught up to the driver where they saw him swerving between the lanes. It turns out its easier to pull your pants up BEFORE you get back behind the wheel of your car.

(article from www.dumbcriminals.com)

Stupid Pictures

That's definately a red card...

"In The News" Thursday

Today's Darwin Award Goes To...

Women Darwin-ists are like women murderers: fewer and more fastidious, they prefer more wholesome methods for their special acts.

After an extended night shift, our heroine, a working mother, was bagged but decided to stay up a few extra hours until the kids came home from school. Being a thoughtful mom and a junk food junkie, the tired woman groggily decided that this was the time to bake a cake.

The ancient electric mixer had a detachable cord that plugs into the back, like your computer, only most computers have the sense to avoid the kitchen. Did I mention that these old electrical cords are ungrounded? Things were going well - butter, sugar, flour, cocoa - until the loose cord popped out of the old mixer and landed in the dough. Plop.

Ever the safety-conscious professional, she carefully turned off and set aside the completely inert mixer, and lifted the cord out of the batter. But what did she do with the dripping cake batter? She did what anyone does - she stuck the live electrical cord in her mouth and found herself on the floor, suddenly very wide awake.

No, I don't know what happened to the cake.

(article from http://www.darwinawards.com/)

Stupid Criminal Of The Day

You would think the police officer exams that are administered by departments would come with a common sense exam, but who the hell are we going to get to write it up? Heh, that was almost poetry.

Three cops were caught smoking pot in a police van, according to KGMB9.com.The plot, along with the suspects’ heads, thicken. They were smoking pot in the parking lot of a softball field where cops were holding a softball tournament. That’s funny because using pot in a softball game is actually a performance enhancing substance.

The stoned cops tried to make a break for the exit but the other cops caught up to them. Then the umpire called them out.

(article from www.dumbcriminals.com)

"In The News" Thursday

Hmmm...I know I recognize it, but what's it called...?!

Well, here's how NOT to play it

I've heard they taste of chicken

Today's Darwin Award Goes To...

Darwin and Newton share a laugh...

Chihuahua, Mexico is home to two hot caverns containing the largest natural crystals known to man. "Walking into either of these caves is like stepping into a (sweltering) gigantic geode," described one awed observer. Some of the clear selenite crystals are over 20 feet long.

The newly-discovered caverns, 1200 feet below the surface of the earth, carry a curse for those who seek to plunder their riches. A man recently tried to steal one of the magnificent crystals from the roof, and might have succeeded... if he hadn't stood directly beneath it while chopping it free. He was pinned beneath the sparkling stalactite as it heeded the call of gravity, and roasted in the 108 F cave.

(article from www.darwinawards.com)

Stupid Criminal of the Day

It seems that the New Zealand media has labeled this dumb criminal as the world’s dumbest of 2009…and they might just be on to something.

The Press reports that a man caught stealing money from a cash register was caught on four different security cameras and he left his personal information with the clerk.Awww man, if he also had a bird stuff in his pants, I wouldn’t have gotten five-in-a-row on my “Dumb Criminal Bingo” card.

He walked to the front register to purchase something, you know so people wouldn’t think he’s a criminal.

When the clerk looks away, he reaches into the register and steals a wad of cash as four security cameras are watching his every move including one left in plain sight. Too bad he wasn’t trying to rob a Lenscrafts or he might have gotten away with it.

But before all of this, he actually left his name and phone number with the clerk before he takes the money from the till. I’ve got five-to-one odds the name is misspelled.

(article from www.dumbcriminals.com)

"In The News" Thursday

Either he forgot where his heart was or he's really hungry

Way to be environmentally conscious

You know the housing market's bad when...

Today's Darwin Award Goes To...

(29 January 1998, Ohio) Hungry or just plain stupid? Wednesday was a fateful day for Michael. He was shooting the breeze with a group of buddies, watching a friend clean his fish tank, when the friend complained that one specimen in particular had become a fishy menace. It had outgrown the tank, and was eating other denizens of the aquatic community.

Michael volunteered to assist. He seized the five-inch fish and attempted to swallow it. Unfortunately, the fish continued its predatory ways by sticking in his craw. As he gasped futilely for breath, turned blue, and sank to his knees, his three friends realized that something was amiss. They phoned 911 and informed the dispatcher that Michael had eaten some fish, and was having trouble breathing.

Paramedics were quickly dispatched, and they arrived to find the fish tail still protruding from the victim's mouth. Despite their best efforts neither the fish nor the twenty-three-year-old could be resuscitated. The killer fish had claimed one last victim.

"If I dare you to jump off a bridge and you do it, you're stupid," Police Major Mike Matulavich said. Apparently Michael was not a victim, he was just another Darwin Awards contender.

(article from www.darwinawards.com)

Stupid Criminal of the Day

It’s a good thing this guy doesn’t fall under a “Three Strikes” law or he’d only have one left…or maybe its two? Double jeopardy and all.

A man who served time for robbing bank was busted for robbing the same bank, according to the AP. That’s right, he hit the same bank just 10 months after getting out of prison for robbery.

Looks like that state funded rehabilitation program has paid for itself. He also hit a supermarket. Did I mention he robbed the sank bank twice?

(article from www.dumbcriminals.com)

Stupid Pictures

That'll make for a tough line up

I think it might be a bit late for CPR...

"In The News" Thursday

Today's Darwin Award Goes To...

(4 April 2007, Germany) Near midnight, a 49-year-old man attempted to impress his wife with his unbelievable strength. He climbed over the balcony of their 7th floor flat, clung to the outside of the parapet, and began a set of pull-ups. After a few pull-ups, which were undoubtedly impressive to his wife, his sedentary lifestyle began to take its toll. His muscles lost strength, and he was unable to lift himself back onto the balcony. He eventually fell seven stories (eight if you include the ground floor) and impaled himself on a thornbush. Ouch! The official verdict placed the blame squarely and pointedly on the macho showmanship of the deceased.

The pushmi-pullyu is a fictional Doctor Doolittle animal with two heads at opposite ends of its body. When it tries to move, both heads try to pull in opposite directions."

(9 October 2007, Ohio) The German man is not alone in his efforts to impress a woman. An 18-year-old was lured by the siren song of the guard rail onto his girlfriend's 11th floor balcony. Attempting to impress the lady, he too began a set of pull-ups, only to lose his grip and plummet eleven stories (ten if you omit the ground floor) to land face-down on the parking lot. The Ohio coroner was more charitable than his German counterpart. This death was ruled accidental.

(article from www.darwinawards.com)

Stupid Criminal of the Day

Working at a restaurant must be hard. There are so many nuisances you have to deal with everyday: the unruly customers, the physical demands, the armed and dangerous floor manager.
The manager of an IHOP reportedly used the threat of gunfire to motivate his staff, according to the Asbury Park Press. Police said the manager ordered some employees to return to their jobs or he would shoot them. That’s synergy.

When one of the employees snapped back at him, he went to his car, retrieved his handgun and pointed it at the employee. I’ve never worked for IHOP but I’m pretty sure that wasn’t in the employee handbook.

(article from www.dumbcriminals.com)

"In The News" Thursday

Stupid Criminal Of The Day

Why would anyone eat fast food? Better yet, why would anyone want it faster? If it tastes that bad fast, imagine what it’s like when you’re doing a rush job of it.

One cop in Denver didn’t care how long it took evidenced by the gun he pulled on a clerk because they weren’t filling his order fast enough, according to the Denver Post.He was waiting in the drive-thru when he order took too long, so he thought he would speed things up by pulling a weapon on the clerk. It gets even more embarrassing. He was still at the speaker.

He was charged with prohibited use of a weapon, reckless endangerment and disorderly conduct. It is not known if he ever got his Monster Thickburger.

"In The News" Thursday

...and see the Great Wisconsin Elephant?

I think I could handle that!

Well, they'd be right

Today's Darwin Award Goes To...

3 June 2006, Florida) Two more candidates have thrown themselves into the running for a Darwin Award. The feet of Jason and Sara, both 21, were found protruding from a huge, deflated helium advertising balloon. Jason was a college student, and Sara attended community college, but apparently their education had glossed over the importance of breathing oxygen.

A family member said, "Sara was mischievous, to be honest." The pair pulled down the 8' balloon, and climbed inside for a breath of helium goodness. Their last words consisted of high-pitched, incoherent giggling as they slowly passed out, and passed into the hereafter.
Sheriff's deputies said the two were not victims of foul play. They climbed into the balloon of their own volition, and no drugs or alcohol were involved.

**When one breathes pure helium the lack of oxygen in the bloodstream causes a rapid loss of consciousness. Some euthanasia experts advocate the use of helium to painlessly end one's life. At least Sara and Jason went peacefully.

Stupid Criminal of the Day

I’ve never understood the concept of hitchhiking as something other than a last resort. I don’t like it when people I know ride in my car. Why would I want a stranger who smells like he hasn’t bathed since the last Great Depression?

One bank robber got a ride from the scene of his crime by a police detective, according to the AP.He robbed the bank, then flagged down a ride from an undercover cop and asked him to take him home. I hope the officer was nice enough to drive him home.

Here’s an important question: why did he need a ride? Why didn’t he have a getaway vehicle? He must drive a Pontiac. Walking across a busy highway is a more dependable form of transportation.

(article from www.dumbcriminals.com)

Makes Sense To Me...

ELKHART, Ind. -- A 51-year-old man told a police officer he was naked in a northern Indiana cemetery because he had taken off his wet clothes after checking on his in-laws' grave and then wanted a closer look at some flowers. The officer was off duty and jogging through Rice Cemetery in Elkhart Sunday afternoon when he saw the naked man get into a truck and drive away. The officer later tracked down the Mishawaka man from his license plate number.

The man said he had been golfing all day and that he undressed in his truck because his underwear was wet. He said he left his truck naked to look at the flowers because he did not have his glasses.

He was arrested on a preliminary misdemeanor charge of public indecency.

"In The News" Thursday

That new hip will make it much easier to crawl out of the dog house each morning, too

"This is an artist's conception of the Mount Pleasant High School football field Friday after an electrical transformer blew..."


You know, just hypothetically speaking...

Today's Darwin Award Goes To...

(30 January 2002, Brazil) Airport taxi drivers frequently hear the announcement, "The white zone is for loading and unloading of passengers only." But Santos Dumont airport in Rio de Janeiro may need to add a new phrase: "The runway is for take-off and landing of airplanes only."

"The signs that tell you to stop when the plane is on the runway are practically invisible," said the director of the local taxi cooperative. Apparently a Boeing 737 preparing for takeoff was equally invisible to one 64-year-old taxi driver, who sped onto the runway after dropping off his fare. He was right behind the jet when it revved its engines in preparation for a 140-mph takeoff.
Local aviation experts say the force of the 737's jets is comparable to a hurricane, but, we assume, much hotter. The taxi was spun 25 meters through the air, hit the rocks at Guanabara Bay, and ejected its driver. The man's tip for the trip was a broken skull and thorax. He is presently in a coma.

Airport authorities cited driver error as the cause of the accident.

(Article from www.darwinawards.com)

Fire and crime go together like Legos and Oreos. If a suspect uses it, it’s bound to attract attention.

That’s a lesson that one crook learned when he set fire to his car before committing a hold up in an attempt to destroy any forensic evidence that might led police to him, according to the London Telegraph.The fire initially attracted attention to the scene and police caught the man with a stolen cash box just a few blocks from the scene. He reportedly also planned to set the cash on fire to remove any more forensic evidence.

Fire officials extinguished the car and took it away to examine it for (wait for it) forensic evidence. Good thing the hold-up man thought ahead.

(Article from www.dumbcriminals.com)

"In The News" Thursday

That's great entertainment...for a bum

Hmmm, what an innovative idea!! But what would you call it??

Great, now that song is in my head...